Perpetual Singledom?
Okay so I'm single. I've been single for almost 2 years now. This seems a bit questionable especially with the slew of friends and acquaintances being in serious relationships, engaged or...*gasp* married.
Some would question my ability to handle a relationship, or wonder if I simply scare men off. The answer is: Neither.
The real answer? My life is too crazy. Literally. Let me run down the list of past and current happenings which have disabled my ability to merely acquire a serious relationship.
Went to Hawaii for my first year of college...tried the long distance relationship thing, but it really doesn't work, especially when your sexaholic boyfriend can't seem to keep his male appendage within his pants long enough to prove how much he really "loves you".
After being a bit discouraged by that, I did remain single by choice, however - now even if I wanted (which I kind of do actually) a relationship, I really have no choice unless I want a put a stop on my life and my ultimate dreams.
So in 2004, I moved to New York City...which we all know is actually ironically enough, hard to find a decent mate in despite there being 1,600,000 people on the island alone. However, the crazy busy Manhattan life is filled with singles who are so career driven, that they don't even have time to sit down and take a shit.
Since I only attend school in Manhattan and don't spend my summers there, it's been a bit hard to really have the desire, among the lack of time - to find a boyfriend due to the 4 months out of the year that I spend in my beloved home state of Massachusetts.
This summer I lived in Los Angeles, California which was an absolutely amazing experience. I did find a guy whom I thought I could have seen myself with, but I didn't want to get myself in too deep due to the fact that I was leaving soon, oh and the fact that he turned out to be a bipolar psychomaniac. Hmm...
Now, as graduation approaches, I have 9 more months in Manhattan; plenty of time to find looooove. (If I wanted to) Problem is, if I find it - I will either have to disengage myself from future plans, or ditch my new found love. Two things I simply do not want to have to endure. So, that leaves me with no real option aka lonely.
My plans: After graduation, I truly want to do something worth doing before entering into the "real world". My plan is to go to Africa and help out for a month in Ghana by helping the little kids and babies whos parents have left them. Sounds pretty nuts and Angelina Jolie-ish huh? Thing is, if anyone knows me - they know I'll do it. They also know that the desire runs so deep, that it will in fact end up happening. A big part of me truly wants to visit Europe as well. This is something I am dying to do. I've already seen much of the wonders and delights that the United States has to offer, so now I'm ready to move on to bigger and better things.
Ok, so...where would a boyfriend fit into all of this? Especially since after that occurs, I'm not exactly sure where I'm headed as far as settling down goes. I suppose it depends on the job opportunities at the time. After my test run experience this summer in LA, I truly think Los Angeles is the place I want to start off in, but who knows if I will fall in love with Europe or life will call me to do something else? I have a passion for so many different things...TV/Film, Marketing, Activism...everything. I honestly cannot say where life will lead me. I do know that as much as these dreams have a hold of me, that I do also have a dream to find the most amazing man for me...and it does get lonely sometimes. Men often take offense when I turn them "down", or discontinue truly getting to know them, when in reality (many times) it's solely based on the fact that I simply cannot get into a relationship. I've already dealt with plenty of pain in my life, and certainly do not want to endure it again.
Hmm...that leaves me wondering when I will find someone? Do I have to tell guys -- "Maybe we can try this in a year or two". It's been a while...I have so much to give to someone, I know this...but unless this person wants to drop everything and happens to want to do the same exact crazy things I do, it's simply not going to happen. Most people are settled in what they do, which is greatly respectable, but I can't expect them to drop everything and go on excursions.
I suppose it's a trade off.
I guess I will have to wait until whoever that person is, comes into my life..and at the right now. Until then - now you know the reason why I'm always SINGLE.
Let's hope I don't end up a cat lady.
Some would question my ability to handle a relationship, or wonder if I simply scare men off. The answer is: Neither.
The real answer? My life is too crazy. Literally. Let me run down the list of past and current happenings which have disabled my ability to merely acquire a serious relationship.
Went to Hawaii for my first year of college...tried the long distance relationship thing, but it really doesn't work, especially when your sexaholic boyfriend can't seem to keep his male appendage within his pants long enough to prove how much he really "loves you".
After being a bit discouraged by that, I did remain single by choice, however - now even if I wanted (which I kind of do actually) a relationship, I really have no choice unless I want a put a stop on my life and my ultimate dreams.
So in 2004, I moved to New York City...which we all know is actually ironically enough, hard to find a decent mate in despite there being 1,600,000 people on the island alone. However, the crazy busy Manhattan life is filled with singles who are so career driven, that they don't even have time to sit down and take a shit.
Since I only attend school in Manhattan and don't spend my summers there, it's been a bit hard to really have the desire, among the lack of time - to find a boyfriend due to the 4 months out of the year that I spend in my beloved home state of Massachusetts.
This summer I lived in Los Angeles, California which was an absolutely amazing experience. I did find a guy whom I thought I could have seen myself with, but I didn't want to get myself in too deep due to the fact that I was leaving soon, oh and the fact that he turned out to be a bipolar psychomaniac. Hmm...
Now, as graduation approaches, I have 9 more months in Manhattan; plenty of time to find looooove. (If I wanted to) Problem is, if I find it - I will either have to disengage myself from future plans, or ditch my new found love. Two things I simply do not want to have to endure. So, that leaves me with no real option aka lonely.
My plans: After graduation, I truly want to do something worth doing before entering into the "real world". My plan is to go to Africa and help out for a month in Ghana by helping the little kids and babies whos parents have left them. Sounds pretty nuts and Angelina Jolie-ish huh? Thing is, if anyone knows me - they know I'll do it. They also know that the desire runs so deep, that it will in fact end up happening. A big part of me truly wants to visit Europe as well. This is something I am dying to do. I've already seen much of the wonders and delights that the United States has to offer, so now I'm ready to move on to bigger and better things.
Ok, so...where would a boyfriend fit into all of this? Especially since after that occurs, I'm not exactly sure where I'm headed as far as settling down goes. I suppose it depends on the job opportunities at the time. After my test run experience this summer in LA, I truly think Los Angeles is the place I want to start off in, but who knows if I will fall in love with Europe or life will call me to do something else? I have a passion for so many different things...TV/Film, Marketing, Activism...everything. I honestly cannot say where life will lead me. I do know that as much as these dreams have a hold of me, that I do also have a dream to find the most amazing man for me...and it does get lonely sometimes. Men often take offense when I turn them "down", or discontinue truly getting to know them, when in reality (many times) it's solely based on the fact that I simply cannot get into a relationship. I've already dealt with plenty of pain in my life, and certainly do not want to endure it again.
Hmm...that leaves me wondering when I will find someone? Do I have to tell guys -- "Maybe we can try this in a year or two". It's been a while...I have so much to give to someone, I know this...but unless this person wants to drop everything and happens to want to do the same exact crazy things I do, it's simply not going to happen. Most people are settled in what they do, which is greatly respectable, but I can't expect them to drop everything and go on excursions.
I suppose it's a trade off.
I guess I will have to wait until whoever that person is, comes into my life..and at the right now. Until then - now you know the reason why I'm always SINGLE.
Let's hope I don't end up a cat lady.
posted by Kate at
9:06 PM
1 Comments:
You seem like an awesome person. Real love isn't as hard or as easy as it seems. You'll know the right thing to do when it happens. Just be happy you didn't marry someone you just now realized you aren't in love with. Yak. I don't recommend it. Enjoy life!
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