Regards from Africa

Ok....so I haven't written on this stupid blog for AGES. I am writing now...why? Because I've had about 100 requests to do so -- to tell everyone my experience thus far in South Africa.

I can't say there is TOO much to write about so far but I will say that this place is different nonetheless.

The huge differences between the US and here that I have witnessed so far is the obvious disparity between blacks and whites. It's unbelievable. Imagine the nicest neighborhood in your town . . . . they have gorgeous houses here .... only one minor difference. Every SINGLE house has a tall gate/wall/fence and many have barbed wire on top of these high barriers. As a South African family, you would be absolutely out of your mind to not have a security system as well. The crime can get pretty high and many of these uneducated homeless people WILL absolutely take advantage of you if you do not protect yourself.

Black peasants roam the streets like no big deal. They are everywhere...see a nice house and some open land next to it? They will set up camp there. They walk through the streets...sell things everywhere... many do not have a home or anything to hold onto in life. Each family has a maid and a gardener (or some kind of worker) that works for them. Many families have sheds or small little houses in their backyards where these laborers will live. The gardener in one shed and the maid in the other. You would think that it is perhaps cruel but these people are giving them a place to live and food to eat where they may not have otherwise had it. In reality, it is somewhat a sad existence for both. Whites live as prisinors for the most part in their homes and are unable to walk outside of their gated front yards. You don't see runners, you don't see people walking their dogs, you don't see any of that. They are forced to exist within their barriers.

On a more positive note...many things are much like the US. I've been out to a couple of bars and the people here dress, act and look the same. They obviously love American music as it plays incessantly in the background. They drive LITTLE cars. Almost everyone!! They are teeny compact cars that save a bundle on gas. The whole driving on the left hand side of the road thing still creeps me out and I have yet to gain the confidence (or anyone else's confidence) to allow myself to even attempt to drive. The wheel being on the right side of the car and 90% of these vehicles being a stick shift..well -- attempting to focus on all things is a recipe for disaster.

The malls here are huge and the same as ours.... addicting actually. The prices for things may be high to South Africans but to Americans? Much of the time it's chump change! Our dollar goes a long way here and I like it that way!!! :) For example...you may go out to a restaurant and a meal is R35. (35 RAND) Well lucky for us...you divide that number by 7.5 and what do you get? Oh yeah ...I just scored a yummy meal for $4.60!! This is a meal at a restaurant ...none of that fast food ISH.

The weather you would think would be SCORCHING hot because it's Africa. That's a negative. It is chilly! Imagine the chilliest day in October....it is like that here! It is their winter and they do not have heat due to most of the year being rather hot...so nights as you can imagine are cold in these houses!!

They speak a different language here...one you probably haven't heard of. It is called Afrikaans. It is actually pretty interesting...sounds like a mixture of German and Dutch maybe? I feel sometimes funny when I can't understand what is going on but it's interesting either way. Oftentimes when I speak...people do double takes. Although they listen to American music and movies...I've been informed that it is not often that Americans live here so they literally love to stare silently. :)

The food here is GREAT!!! Much healthier and really delicious. They don't have rows of fast food places placed all around the area.... much less chance of getting that late night meal when you're a bit tipsy after a long night out. In turn, I hope to lose weight haha. I have visited Johannesburg once and while many people in Pretoria (where I'm living now) hate "Jo'burg"...I like it! Joburg is one of the most dangerous cities in the world but if you stick to the right areas, so far -- it has been rather enjoyable. It is certainly not as enjoyable and nice as New York or Boston but there are still fun times to be had. Where I am living is pretty much the typical suburban life. Everyone asks me what I'm doing as if I'm traveling all around S. Africa and partying it up but I am not....since I'm living here with my boyfriend...I live a pretty quiet and calm lifestyle thus far. It stinks because my friends in Jo'burg are a half hour away and since I do not drive here...I'm oftentimes just relaxing in Pretoria.... going out to the movies, out to eat and shopping. The same thing that most would do....I really look forward to going to Kruger Park to see all the crazy wild animals and also I look forward to going to Capetown but so far I will say it is just a relaxing time in a new place..... :) I've gone to the zoo and seen some pretty interesting animals but no, they do not run wild here.... they are all collected in "game reserves" ...large areas of open land where they can kind of roam free.... there are supposedly ostriches and zebra's across the street but I have yet to see them yet. It was quite funny to see meerkats and wild boar or whatever (the two main sidekick characters on Lion King) other than on the movie...I realized that much of my African animal knowledge was based on that movie.. ha.


Well...here are a few pictures below...

Here's the smallest car I saw...

All the beautiful houses are blocked by high security walls such as this one...

Look! Their normal like US hahahaha ;)

This was in the crappier part of Joburg..love the sign! lol


Typical sunset....

Me & a giraffe!

Lovely elephant!

A zebra looking off into the distance.. aww lol



A weema wop a weema wop... haha.... until next time!

7 months later . . .

Wow, I haven't written in here in quite sometime.

Tons and tons and tons has occurred since!

I've graduated college. Wow. 4 years interrupted -- who would have thunk?

I have a serious boyfriend.

I'm going to South Africa in three weeks.

Holy wow.

Isn't it crazy how just in a span of just a half year -- things in ones life can change drastically?
I'd write details and write all my thoughts -- but I have a feeling that a blog like this is no longer for anyone else but myself. Perhaps a bit of a memoir if you will -- to look back on when I'm older. I guess once I get a full time job and am making decent money...a goal of mine will be to print out every single online journal entry I have ever written.

How cool will it be to be 50 years old reading all the craziness in which you call my life?

I'd write more but I'm at a mall -- screaming children all around. Yes, I'm here doing a part time gig before my trip to Africa.

Some 7 year old girl keeps publically itching her crotch. It's kind of strange. I know she's young and doesn't know better but ... ek nevermind.

Heading home soon - can't wait for the next chapter in my life to begin!

Serious Post

I'm watching this film from 1995. It's called "Before Sunrise" - it's with Ethan Hawke and some adorable french actress.

Someone told me to watch this film stating that while it's very simple, it presents an abundance of great subjects and points... out of mere conversation between the two people. They remind me of me and the discussions I absolutely love having with people I have a great connection with. In fact, it reminds me of this one day where I met this guy named Nikolas from Germany. It was the afternoon before he had to leave back for his country. We were both on our own and spent time together --- we had amazing conversation about our experiences and about random subjects. We even shared a kiss and absolute romance - just for a short time. He spoke of Germany and how it is like and the difference between the type of people in both this country and here in the United States. I've also had hours of talk with this wonderful person I recently met from the UK; same deal. Although I haven't spoken to him again, I've kept in touch with Nikolas every now and then via email -- I feel as if we meet these people even for just one night or one day for a reason; a good one at that.

You may never have such an insightful conversation with any one else in your entire life. With each debate and with each agreement - we learn something valuable, whether we are reaffirmed of our previous notions on a subject or perhaps proved wrong - we learn. These two characters in this movie would not have otherwise had such amazing interaction during 14 hours as they would have in their hometowns while meeting someone at a bar or a nightclub. They feel the need to just explore the city and explore each other as much as they can since the time is so limited. They know it is probably the last and only night they will ever spend together, so why not make the best of it and explore anything and everything possible?

I relate to these two characters more than 80% of people ever depicted within a film.

My professor recently spoke on how films and plays such as a few written by Shakespeare, how they do not always have the formulaic ending that most generally have --- the "happily ever after" ending. This does not make these stories depressing necessarily, but more so realistic and leaving each character with growth. For example, in the film "Shakespeare In Love", Shakespeare meets a woman by the name of Viola - they spend an immense amount of time together and fall in love and in the end, are unable to be with one another, but move on with their lives - with more inspiration, and more knowledge than they had ever previously had known. Shakespeare ends up gaining new ideas for his play writing, and new energy that allows him to write works that relate to him and his unbelievable past experiences - thus resulting in timeless plays that allow him to be as memorable as he is. (I mean, we don't know his own personal stories necessarily, but the film is a theory) She is able to know what love is and never settle for anything less in the future.

I too, have met someone like that. It is sad but amazing at the same time.

This movie takes place in Europe - they meet on a train and explore Vienna in just one night...before Sunrise (hence the title). I feel like Europe is a place where I must go. I'm such a sappy dreamer...but realistic at the same time. I need Europe - I know it will add to everything I feel and know and don't know. It has an abundance of eclectic music, culture, dance and anything that I would just absorb so willingly. Money is the only thing that is holding me back from exploring such an amazing country -- I will do it though. I will.

Katy and I were speaking -- she went to this forum today, I can't really explain it, I'm sure it'll add to my cheesiness within this post, but basically it's something I want to do. Everyone who attends it makes a goal at the beginning, whether it is - minuscule or major, and by the end of all the sessions, they will have achieved such thing. Why? Because it allows you to put emphasis and energy on a part of your life where you wouldn't otherwise think or be able to put attention on. With the help of others and their stories and the motivation that comes along with such helping resource -- people are able to work miracles in their own lives. It is exactly what I need in my life . . . I believe I have the passion and drive to accomplish an insurmountable amount of things (as well as many people in this world) I just am unsure as to how to do it...where to begin....when......you know, the whole sha-bang.

....3 weeks away from being 22. I'm still young. I'll figure it out.

A girl can only dream.

Good News Galore

I'm watching one of my favorite shows right now - Grey's Anatomy. That makes me happy.


One of the main producers at News & Docs at MTV asked my boss if I was in the market for a job. Apparently she is overly impressed at the work I have been putting in as a mere intern, said she doesn't see too many interns work this hard. That makes me happy. Real happy!



For one of my TV/Film classes, we have to interview someone in the television business and someone in the Film Business. For the Film part - I scored an interview with one of the masterminds behind the SAW franchise. And for my TV part - I scored an interview with the executive producer of The View. That makes me so happy.



I bought a new Harlan Coben book today. My goal is to read every single one of his novels. I think I am on my 5th. That makes me happy.


I also bought a book to help me pass the CLEP exam I must take in order to graduate on time. So far so good - I am really focusing in on it. That makes me happy.

Rutgers is losing against Louisville - that doesn't make me happy.


There you have it. My day and my news.

Joy!

Prioritizing vs Partying

Must stop partying. Yes. Must.

My good friends Katy and Lauren had a few visitors fly in this weekend from Ohio. Quite fun visitors to say the least. Both Friday and Saturday nights were pretty nuts..involving limo rides, seemingly endless drinks, the Hustler Club (where I apparently drunkenly tried to talk a new stripper out of her lifestyle telling her to follow her dreams), all you can eat Sushi and more. Oh my - I'm pooped. Now I must prioritize and get my act together. I have more work than I can possibly handle within the next 4 weeks and I really have to get on it. I think I have a case of the "Procrastinations". It's like this disgusting rash....uh. yeah.

So anyhow --- my costume was an ABSOLUTE hit. It was hilarious. I was the only girl in the place who wasn't dressed like a 2 bit whore. I loved it! People would just look over and here I was with these massive bouncy titties. Oh man. I was a little intoxicated upon arrival at the club, so I had no shame. I would simply shake them in people's faces...hot girls primarily. Then I would just bump into people and yell "OH SORRY! MY BAD! SORRY". My comedian side absolutely came out that night and I believe about 85 people took pictures with me. I even won a few contests.


Too funny.

So yeah, lately I've been getting mucho attention. You know those times that all of these people come out of the wood work and are suddenly interested? Hmm could be the whopping change in breast size. Hmm nah. Usually it happens to me whilst I suddenly start dating somebody exclusively, but this time I'm not. Yes -- I said "Peace out" to that guy I was interested in. His lack of respect for someone he supposedly likes is utterly ridiculous. He doesn't even realize it at all either; while everyone else does. So I say "NEXT!" I'm not sure what he's used to....perhaps girls kissing his ass? Or not expecting any respect in return or to be half ignored? I don't play that game.

Right now I am watching Monty Python and The Holy Grail for this comedy movie class I'm taking. I've seen it before. I'm not much of a fan.

Well I'm off to go work on some papers - since I owe like 8 of them in the next 4 weeks.

Shake that money maker.

Halloween Hell

Ok, so it's Hallow's Eve.

What am I doing with my day? First I shall venture off to one of my classes which isn't too painful simply because all we have to do is watch old comedies. (Not shabby)

Then tonight I am helping promote this party at this new place called MYST. It used be QUO - but they changed it and renovated and I'm pretty anxious to see what it looks like. Here's the funny part about tonight. In New York city - Halloween is like 'Slutoween'. Girls look HOT but certainly a bit promiscuous to say the least. I truly think I'm going to be one of the ONLY girls at Myst tonight that doesn't fit the part. Why? Because I'll be wearing THIS costume.



Bahahaha. How tacky is that? I think I'm laughing about it now, but may soon be embarrassed while standing next to alot of smokin' girls as I look like a piece of shit. LOL We shall see....

So the guy I'm dating. I believe last night I said "Siyonara". I'm never in relationships for too long why? I just do NOT want to put up with some of the shit I used to go through. I had the worst relationship in the world for so long.... and this guy is doing things that are very similar to some of the things my ex used to do. I mean he's really fucking it up. I don't think he has a clue as to how to really get to know someone. I won't even type details in here, but I know I wasn't overreacting. I know I do cut it lose a bit too early -- but that's because I have places to go..and things to do..as bitchy as that sounds. I literally don't have time to try to transform someone into the kind of person I like. First off - people are the way they are - they don't change. The proof of such finding lays in the fact that I tried to change a bad guy into a good guy for over 2 years..so no. It's a no go. Oh yeah, and he's a Scorpio. Hmm I wonder if the stars are right ultimately? LOL Maybe Jupiter isn't lined up ot Saturn or some shit. Let's take a look.

Sagittarius and Scorpio

Adventurous Sagittarius loves change and exploring the far horizons, taking every kind of risk (physical, emotional and spiritual), then moving on to the next big challenge. Scorpio on the other hand prefers to dive straight to the nitty-gritty of the relationship, exulting in the exploration of emotional power and commitment. So if it's a challenge you want, Scorpio will give it to you!

Passionate Scorpio, a water sign is ruled by forceful Mars, God of War and seething Pluto, Lord of the Underworld, while Sagittarius, a Fire Sign, is ruled by philosophical Jupiter, Lord of the Dance. Since both of you are very interested in sex, this mixture can be one of the steamiest in the zodiac. Sagittarius, however, is impulsive and spontaneous, even whimsical, while with Scorpio everything is happening below the surface, making it difficult to know what is really going on there.

Scorpio is a Fixed Sign, and Sagittarius a Mutable Sign, so in one way the stability and strength of the Scorpion appeals to the light-hearted Sag. This said, you'll find it hard to come to terms with Scorpio's air of mystery and with that self-contained area which is very much a no-go zone for you. You are quick-tempered but cool quickly, while Scorpio can seethe for days before erupting like a furious volcano. Scorpio can also be very possessive and jealous, something that flies in the face of your flirtatious and freedom-loving spirit. Your playful sexuality soon finds Scorpio's intense, dominating passions too much to cope with and your inclination is to flee.

If the attraction is strong, as it might be if the Moon Signs or other factors are compatible, you'll need to find a common ground from which to build a long-term understanding of each other. Scorpio should understand that you cannot be kept like a bird in a cage. Your outspoken bluntness goes against the scorpion grain too, for Scorpio is secretive and likes to manipulate, while Sagittarius prefers to be open and up-front. You need to control your tongue, and your Scorpion lover needs to keep the whip and spurs on the shelf, at least while you are making travel plans. This is quite a difficult match.

Holy shit.

I think I want to.... throw up. I hadn't even looked at that, and that is EXACTLY our situation. I'm quick tempered and blunt because I can't stand being taken advantage of.

Oh my.........that just freaked me out. Anyways..I think I'm going to go eat a ton of candy and get fatter.
Trick O' Treat

Rascal Flatts is GOD.

I'm crying. Like a little weak girl.

I'm frustrated...just frustrated. Like I bitched and moaned about previously..I'm struggling financially. Why is it that most of my friends who are seniors..are just living their lives happily...going to school with not a financial woe in this world. Either Mommy and Daddy are paying for their extracurricular activities or their parents were smart enough to help them take out enough loans to cover the necessities? Why am I sitting here in utter despair not being able to pay for the little things and the necessities because my energy and time are going to what is needed to finish this school year successfully?

I'm also terrified of what the hell I'm going to do after this year..like I said before. I won't have enough money or the proper credit score to just start anew somewhere. I'm going to have to sit there in miserable Massachusetts for months, and who knows if I'll ever make enough to save up to get the fuck out.

I was just in my Business of TV/Film class.....and my teacher is brilliant. He really is. He brings up the best points ever. And every thing I had to say..he shot it down...with great and truthful responses. Thus making me look like an idiot. Not once, not twice but over and over again. The other students were even laughing at me at the end of it..I just looked like the biggest idiot. I walked out... only to be chased down by the professor....he apologized for pretty much also saying I was retarded (not those exact words but quite close), and insisted I come back to class....I sat down only to still feel like a douchebag.

I'm sort of dating this guy...I like him, but he's going through a really hard time in his life, and he's really bad at the whole communication thing. Weird as that sounds... he's really bad at merely texting me back when I write him a text. I can take it personally as disrespect, but I genuinely do not think he means it that way, that's just not his thing. While many things appeal to me about him -- it's one thing I'm not sure I could get used to if we began dating seriously. I guess I can't expect much from someone who just went through a traumatic experience...I'm the type of person who is a great listener and wants to be there...it's hard for me to be able to truly relate to those who harbor their feelings within..as I am quite the opposite...I guess we'll see.

School blows. I mean I love my TV/Film classes...but I'm taking Statistics this year. It's causing absolute deep anxiety for me. When a teacher gives me 8 problems, I want to break down at the first one. I understood the material up until about Chapter 5..now we're on Chapter 9 and I want to slit my wrists (not literally but you know.) It is SO difficult for me. I feel like it's like I'm learning another language...I don't know if it's just because I over analyze it..or because my ADD takes a hold of me in class and once I'm behind I'm behind..but jeez..it's really effecting me.

If I fail it..I do not graduate in May.

I think it gives me even MORE fear and even MORE pressure.....which sucks.

Anyways...as I was writing this, one of my best friends Amy called..man she always makes me feel better..I fuckin love that girl. Seriously....what would we do without amazing friends?

She's my rock.

Ugh. I'm so confused about life in general.

I want to do SO much. I want to travel Europe..I want to spend a month there, or 6 months and work there. I want to volunteer...I want to direct films. I want to write a book. I want to write a screenplay. I want to take advantage of my singing ability make an album. I want to perform songs in front of people. I want to do stand up. I want to do plays. I want to be in an independent film. I want to be a private investigator. I want to paint a beautiful portrait. I want to learn Spanish more than what I know now..learn it fluently and speak it in a Spanish country. I want to defeat my asthma and run a few miles (I've never been able to do so.) I want to fall in love again...but this time to be loved in return..whole-heartedly......

Why is it that the majority of us are so restricted by time and financial problems that we are unable to do EVERY single one of those things? I mean, some say we can...I've noticed that my fear stops me from doing so many things. My fear of failure...

I find myself taking plenty of risks..but there's some risks that may jeopardize your entire life - so I question them. How do people die satisfied? I almost wish sometimes that the things I yearned for were simple..living on a farm, raising animals and having a family. Wouldn't that be nice? It's great to yearn for so much...but it sucks when there's not enough resources and time to achieve all these things. Maybe I'm selfish....I want to do so many things. I mean I'm only 21 and I jetted off to Hawaii freshman year...then came to NYC....then spent my summer just moving all around southern California......my mother complains I can't stay in one place. I can't see that changing once I get into the "real world". I want freedom...I need that freedom. Right now I feel SO restricted...I don't want that to be the case after I graduate. I'm so terrified. I want to head to California.........or maybe Europe like I said...but how!

Damnit.

I need to go spend 2 hours on my Stats homework....class in the morning. I have no idea how to approach even the first problem... Statistics=My life....challenging and almost impossible but I have to figure it out/overcome it in order to succeed.

RASCAL FLATTS - "STAND"

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you’ll be alright

But you’ll be alright
Chorus:
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand,
Then you stand
2.
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on
Chorus:
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand,
Then you stand
Yeah then you stand.
Bridge:
Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Ooohhh
Chorus:
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand,
Then you stand
Yeah then you stand.
Yeah