Doors Opening and Slamming Shut
So..I'm sitting here listening to Rascal Flatts "My Wish". I love this song...I'm just thinking alot.
Isn't it funny the people that walk in and out of your life? Sometimes the most least expected people become your best friend or someone you may date or whatever it may be.
Then there's the people who you thought would be there until the absolute end...those best friends who you find out, really aren't your best friends. With no names mentioned, I have been so close with the same person since I was a child. She has created her own life in another state, which has been great. I have tried over and over again to maintain such friendship despite distance. She simply either does not care, or has no idea how to be a true friend. Maybe going to the mall, and talking about our latest crushes and what we wanted to be when we grew up was the capacity to which she knew friendship, and as we grew into adults, she then didn't know that it was absolutely pertinent to put forth far more effort to keep a friendship going. I mean, I have several amazing friends and they know how to do it..why doesn't she? I deleted her off my Myspace. If you cannot take out the time to send me a call, a text, return a Myspace message..anything for months on end...what kind of "best friend" are you? I recently saw one of her other said "Best Friends"..who told me she has done the same thing to her. What the hell is wrong with you?
Ugh...makes you question you know? People literally will come in for years and dissapear the next. Makes me kind of scared...feel somewhat alone. How do I know that these college friends that I have right now will still be there? The odds maybe unlikely. So who will be there consistently till the end? I guess just me, myself and I.
We all know I've been single for quite sometime...after TJ pretty much took my poor little naive heart and beat it to a pulp constantly taking advantage of my stupid little ideas, notions, acts and appreciation for him from the age of 17 to about 19/20--- it's made me want to grow into a stronger more knowledgeable woman before ever getting into that situation once again. But honestly there's not many guys who I personally see as being particularly appreciative of me. I like the little things...the little ideas, the little actions, just really appreciating someone. I absolutely adore and go out of my way for my friends, so I anticipate doing that for someone I care about someday. But guys these days...you give more than you get with most. It's so frustrating.
Anyhow..lately I've been a little down I guess.
Well, right now I can hear my friends in the hallway...they're seemingly getting ready to go out for one of my best friend's birthdays. I'm so depressed hearing them all talking and getting ready for the night...ready to party it up for her 22nd. Here I am in my room, in my pjs...I think they're mad at me too. I am unable to go out..why?
I have no money. Between this internship and school, I have next to no time for a formal job. I do gigs here and there, but not enough to get by. I feel so ghetto...I can't even afford to go out for her birthday...I literally am so upset. My phone is getting shut off tomorrow...I am not going out for Halloween because I am unable to buy a costume, and I am struggling because I haven't been able to afford my much needed medicine for the pharmacy.
Look at me...pitiful.
I cannot wait until I'm succesful, and can live at least somewhat comfortably. In my opinion.... you only know (and can appreciate) true success when you've known poverty.
My wallet was swiped last week, so that has also been quite frustrating. No ID... nothing of the sort.
Wow, hasn't this been quite the pity party. I need sleep.
Isn't it funny the people that walk in and out of your life? Sometimes the most least expected people become your best friend or someone you may date or whatever it may be.
Then there's the people who you thought would be there until the absolute end...those best friends who you find out, really aren't your best friends. With no names mentioned, I have been so close with the same person since I was a child. She has created her own life in another state, which has been great. I have tried over and over again to maintain such friendship despite distance. She simply either does not care, or has no idea how to be a true friend. Maybe going to the mall, and talking about our latest crushes and what we wanted to be when we grew up was the capacity to which she knew friendship, and as we grew into adults, she then didn't know that it was absolutely pertinent to put forth far more effort to keep a friendship going. I mean, I have several amazing friends and they know how to do it..why doesn't she? I deleted her off my Myspace. If you cannot take out the time to send me a call, a text, return a Myspace message..anything for months on end...what kind of "best friend" are you? I recently saw one of her other said "Best Friends"..who told me she has done the same thing to her. What the hell is wrong with you?
Ugh...makes you question you know? People literally will come in for years and dissapear the next. Makes me kind of scared...feel somewhat alone. How do I know that these college friends that I have right now will still be there? The odds maybe unlikely. So who will be there consistently till the end? I guess just me, myself and I.
We all know I've been single for quite sometime...after TJ pretty much took my poor little naive heart and beat it to a pulp constantly taking advantage of my stupid little ideas, notions, acts and appreciation for him from the age of 17 to about 19/20--- it's made me want to grow into a stronger more knowledgeable woman before ever getting into that situation once again. But honestly there's not many guys who I personally see as being particularly appreciative of me. I like the little things...the little ideas, the little actions, just really appreciating someone. I absolutely adore and go out of my way for my friends, so I anticipate doing that for someone I care about someday. But guys these days...you give more than you get with most. It's so frustrating.
Anyhow..lately I've been a little down I guess.
Well, right now I can hear my friends in the hallway...they're seemingly getting ready to go out for one of my best friend's birthdays. I'm so depressed hearing them all talking and getting ready for the night...ready to party it up for her 22nd. Here I am in my room, in my pjs...I think they're mad at me too. I am unable to go out..why?
I have no money. Between this internship and school, I have next to no time for a formal job. I do gigs here and there, but not enough to get by. I feel so ghetto...I can't even afford to go out for her birthday...I literally am so upset. My phone is getting shut off tomorrow...I am not going out for Halloween because I am unable to buy a costume, and I am struggling because I haven't been able to afford my much needed medicine for the pharmacy.
Look at me...pitiful.
I cannot wait until I'm succesful, and can live at least somewhat comfortably. In my opinion.... you only know (and can appreciate) true success when you've known poverty.
My wallet was swiped last week, so that has also been quite frustrating. No ID... nothing of the sort.
Wow, hasn't this been quite the pity party. I need sleep.
posted by Kate at
11:39 PM
1 Comments:
Some friends leave, new ones come in, money comes and money goes... that’s life. But each person is responsible for their own happiness. I can be at a party with family and friends and still feel alone, but also, I can sit alone in my room and feel connected and loved by all. What it comes down to is me, myself, I :) and my thoughts. More wisdom means better thoughts and happier life. That you can count on, everything else is … only with us for a while.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home